Mens sana in corpore sano
I have been on antidepressants for two years and have been very lucky to respond almost perfectly to the treatment. My mood significantly improved, my anxiety disappeared and my confidence grew back like it was never gone. At the peak of my treatment I was perfectly happy at all times, I could face any activity that would previously induce anxiety by simply think “oh it’s gonna be alright” like a magic spell.
This led to some reckless decisions that have both brought me great and debatable experiences, but even when things were “rough” the inner me would acknowledge it but was unable to actually feel the harshness of this situation. Everything was indeed always alright.
I could talk a lot about the yin and yang of my life swimming through this ocean of serotonin but as I am now tapering off the magic little pills I am realizing that although my mind truly healed, I stayed content with my decaying sedentary body. Why would I need to take care of it if up there in my head everything was alright ? Well many reasons but my slightly constantly high self just didn’t feel strongly enough about it to make the idea of truly caring for my body stick. But after all this time of physical neglect, while my happy mind was frolicking in peaceful joy, it is most definitely my body’s turn to receive some healing.
Healing, repair, fixing. The idea is clear, it’s not in a state to get improved but rather to actually bring it back to a functional state. Ok maybe I’m exagerating a bit, I’m still grateful that my body enables me to do a huge lot, but what bothers me is that it is, indeed, stopping me from achieving something I really enjoy, improvement.
My feet are flat, my bicep tendon is mangled, my spine scoliosisized(?) and ultimately the entierty of my body is micro-unbalanced and it’s starting to be impossible to ignore.
Most of all, I have unfortunately already stepped into the era of a human’s life where time, who used to naturally grow you, has changed into the messenger of decay. Yet so many of my “I wanna be able to do this when I grow up” are still very far away from my capabilities. The funny thing is that apparently when I was young and dumb, I thought only a very select few people in the whole wide world could do a backflip. I imagined to be a skill of the chosen ones, that first one would need to reach a certain age to be able to do, and then that they would need to dedicate their adulthood (a very vague concept for me at the time) to learning it and become a backflipper.
Well little me would be both disappointed and amazed to know that 1) adult him is not a backflipper, and 2) it’s actually a very learnable skill when you’re a healthy adult.
Now if only innocent young and dumb me had grown up into a healthy adult…
Well gang, the journey to healing my body starts now. The goal is to have enough HP to start being able to learn these cool new skills I’ve always wanted to, so here’s my slightly barebones plan:
- Fix me flat feet, don’t have to go crazy and become a barefoot runner but I know that when I work them out my entire body kinda shifts back into an eased state.
- Going up, undo the classic tight hips from being a nerd my entire life. Thankfully I know how to deep squat so I guess becoming a goblin and doing more activities near the floor should help.
- Twisting and pulling my way into a stronger and healthier back.
- Those crazy shoulder moves people show online where you see the shoulder cuff rotates in like 5 axis. Yeah that looks like it feels good.
- My left bicep tendon is genuinely mangled, got hurt, healed bad. The plan is isometrics, extremely regularly like everyday just pushing my hand with the other everytime I think about it until I feel confident enough to start curling (palm down then neutral then eveeeeeentually palm up). That’s unfortunately my biggest blocker right now.
- Doing a bit of the same for my right bicep wouldnt hurt, in fact it would prep it as well.
- Simple floor flippings, just to get back to that whimsical feeling of being a child getting tossed around by the world and giggling about it.
I have of course thought about injecting BPC the same way I have been doseing myself with sertraline every day but I think that maaaaaybe it would be good to get some basics first before going such a drastic but interesting route.
Today is day 1.
Hopefully there will be a day 2. Maybe many more :)
